8 simple ways to find emotional stability in times of loss

      Dear friend, you might be going thought a devastating divorce, job loss, through life altering illness, or death of a dear loved one. Life might seem to be losing all meaning, but you still want to hold on to hope that there is happiness on other side of grief.

            To maintain some sense of wellbeing even in the most heart wrenching times, it’s important to treat yourself with gentle love, care, and self-compassion.  In times of loss your immune system is under extreme stress, so spiritual and physical self-preservation takes the utmost importance.  Start saying “Yes” to your soul and your body before they start saying “No” to you by creating emotional and physical illnesses.  Side note: I highly recommend to anyone who is interested in connection between suppressed emotions and physical illness to read “When the body says “No” by amazing Gabor Mate, MD.

In the meantime, here are 8 relatively simple ways to maintain your emotional stability in stressful times.

1.      Set up a daily schedule – try to go about your normal daily routine as much as you can, but with compassion and without pushing yourself too hard.

Wake at the certain hour. Set up alarm clock if necessary. Take off your pajamas and put on “day- time” cloths.

2.      Make sure to schedule relaxation days and make priority to completely recharge and not feeling guilty about it.  During stressful times our physical and emotional strengths are taxed significantly more than during “normal” times.  So now making sure that our energy tanks are not getting completely depleted becomes increasingly important.

3.      If you work from home, structure you work time the same way as if you were in the office – eliminate all destructions, and disciple yourselves to do finish workday on time, so you can have time to relax or for activities that feed your soul.

4.        Exercise in the morning is very helpful to elevating the mood, as movement releases   endorphins - the happiness hormones that trigger positive responses in the body and mind. Make sure to listen to your body very attentively and compassionately instead of taking directions from your ego. Some days you would be called to sweat in Ashtanga yoga for 2 hours, and some days only 15 minutes gentle stretches are what your body ordering. Start learning saying yes to your body before it starts saying “No” to you!

5.      Eat breakfast and lunches at the usual time, but …make it an enjoyable! Why don’t try to add different foods that you really love? Treat yourself a little – or a lot!   You can turn meals in little reconnections to life’s pleasures.  Now is not a good time to go on a strict diet, unless  you have serious health issues that require a very careful approach to food.

6.      Turn dinners into connection and recharging events. You serve the foods your family or friends enjoy or visit restaurants that are on your list of “wants”. If you live by yourself and don’t feel safe to meet with others– – treat yourself to your favorite meal and watch a favorite movie or connect to friends via zoom.  During times of losses, we need to hold ourselves in the utmost compassion and kindness. Treat yourself like you would treat a dear little child who just experienced a devastating event and needs to be cuddled, consoled, and given all possible love and care.

7.       If you have kids, don’t be afraid to cry in front of them and share your grief at the level that they can understand. By connecting to your pain and sharing your emotions, you teach children to honor and acknowledge their own feeling.  It’s helpful to know that children’s world is ego centric – they think that they cause everything that happening in the family, including parents’ feeling.  By sharing your grief, you help children understand that they are not responsible for your sadness and prevent them from feeling guilt and self-blame for your condition.

8.      Give yourself a permission to enjoy life.  Do the things that you always wanted to do - read books that were sitting on the shelves waiting for you, watch the shows that you put on a list many months ago, play silly games if this is your thing, cook that favorite meal that you love but takes hours to prepare, become creative and think of what else would you love to do.  Remember, when the grieving time passes, you will concentrate on rebuilding/re-structuring your live, so now is the time to nurture yourself by attending to so important self-love and self-care!